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Sri Lanka 2 Fat Man’s Nightmare

 

Written 17th of July, 6:45am (Local time) Negombo (no, I can’t hear it without thinking of Um Bongo either)

Last night, after a long day’s travelling followed by a nice meal out and a couple of Lion beers, we returned to our stifingly hot hotel room.
A mosquito net had been provided, and it felt churlish not to use it and fully enter the spirit of Oriental travel, despite not even the faintest buz of a mozzie being heard, so attempted to fit it around our bed.
I say attempt, as every time we one corner was attatched another would pop off. Midway through this attempt it happened-

I broke my bed.

To elaborate, my bed was a rickety, creaking antique of a cot. Lying on it there seemed to be only one major slat roughly halfway along the bed, meaning it was right under the base of my spine.

As I shifted about trying to fit the net I twisted and my weight all became placed on one spot.

CREEEAAAAAK-CRASH!

I broke the bed.

I was mortified.

Of course, Llyw and Laurence were aware of me being fat before, they have eyes after all.

But this? This was emphasising and highlighting the fact. It would have underlined my weight, but the line probably would have snapped as well.
I was a fat man before. Now the man part was in question. I was now merely fat. Too fat for human furniture? Could such a bulk be viewed as a human, or was I some genetic freak, a twist of evolution and part of a new species- Homo Blobbius?

The guys laughed. Who can blame them? It was pretty funny, and I laughed myself.

I set my mattress on the floor and slightly red faced prepared to bed down.

It was still hot and so my wight already revealed and the room darkened decided that I may as well shed my shirt.

I hate taking my top off in front of other people. I’m not entirely keen on seeing it myself, so I can only imagine the revulsion felt by others.

Still I slept well, and now I sit on the hotel balcony writing this, looking forward to a day of train adventure and fearing for the sturdiness of my chair.

Wildlife sightings- Gekko.

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